Roll Sissy Girl-Roll

You may have been able to figure out by now that I don’t have much of an adventurous side. And when I do venture out of my comfort zone, it’s usually because Anthony has convinced me that whatever the activity would be-it would be fun, and he’s usually right. Whether it’s taking a hot air balloon ride or scuba diving, driving a dune buggy or riding a horse, I’m usually a better person for it. However, there are exceptions…

Like, I’m forever scarred by Las Vegas and will never play Craps again.

It all started when we decided to take a quick weekend trip to Sin City a few years ago. Not being known for our gambling expertise, Anthony and I decided we were going to master the game of Craps and come home with lots of money.

A few weeks prior to our trip, we purchased a felt tabletop version of the game. We spent our summer days at the cottage reading up on the best odds and strategies for winning big, then we would practice over and over on our mini-tabletop version. By the time our trip came, we both felt pretty confident and ready to test our knowledge on the real deal at a live casino.

I’m not sure what I was expecting, I knew it wouldn’t be the same as playing at my own pace with only one other person in my little cabin, but what I saw was terrifying. These people were playing with actual money-and they were drunk, loud, and either angry or high fiving each other (by the way, I’ve never high-fived anyone in my life). And the speed at which they were playing was hundreds of times faster than I was used to. Suddenly, my mind went blank and I forgot everything I learned. Was I supposed to roll a seven? Is it good to play the pass line? Every single rule and every last strategy that I had spent the summer learning completely went away.

“Which table looks lucky to you?” Anthony asked as he brought me back to reality, “None”, I snapped as I started to back away. “Come on”, he said “we practiced over and over-you can do this”. Nope, not going to happen, I thought. “I’ll just start slow and work my way up” I pleaded, thinking this made sense, “but you go and have fun, I’ll be at the bar playing Video Poker”. And off he went into the den of smoky people to practice his new-found skill, and I settled in on a quiet corner bar stool playing cards with a machine.

After an hour or so, we decided to call it a night. I pretty much lost my $100 budget for the night and Anthony broke even. “It was a lot of fun, you should give it a shot” Anthony said, “I will-maybe-in the morning”, I lied.

Being that there’s a three-hour time difference between Detroit and Las Vegas, we woke up early. The Casino was like a completely different place. The mobs of rabid people were replaced by gentle people dressed in brightly colored clothing with friendly faces. “What a difference from last night” I mentioned thinking that maybe I could give it a try after all.

As we walked through the now clean and smoke-free Casino, I spotted a very non-threatening looking Craps table. The Pit Boss looked more like a John Denver type than the intimidating Bouncer’s that were running the tables last night. And the few scattered people around the table were much older than me and playing at a much slower pace. “There it is”, I said as the rules and strategies started coming back in to my head, “let’s play at that table”.

After I settled in at the table and began to play I began to let my guard down and have fun.

“Twelve and Six and Eight”, I said repeatedly as this was a common bet. “Twelve on Six and Eight….”

All was going great, I was not only having a good time, I was also winning some money. Then it happened-it was my turn to roll. I was pretty confident now and thought I could do this.

Evidently my first throw was a little too strong-as the dice went careening off the end of the table and on to the floor. “Sir, please try to keep the dice on the table” said the gentle Rocky Mountain High Man. “Okay-sorry”, I replied as someone retrieved my dice. Now, the object for me was to throw the dice gentle enough not to go flying off, yet strong enough to bounce off the short embankment at the end of the table so they could bounce slightly back. "Shouldn’t be too hard" I thought, so, I picked up the dice, and again, incorrectly calculated the amount of torque needed and my two little dice missed the wall completely. “Sir”, this time sounding a little more agitated, “you need to at least try to hit the back wall when you throw”. Even though my roll still counted and people won some money, I told him that I would do better next time.  Third roll- I tossed the dice down the table and this time one hit the wall and the other didn’t quite make it. “I’m getting better”, I nervously joked as sweat started to form behind my ears. This was met with some minor cheers from my fellow players as my poor rolling skills were producing favorable combinations and a dirty look from friend. My fourth roll did its usual dance before once again falling short of its destination. However, it did made everyone at the table happy-except for the now red-faced John Denver. “Sir, I have to ask you once more-your dice need to bounce-get it?” The thing is I did get it, but I failed Physics and wasn’t sure how to make this happen.

After a few more winning rolls everyone was getting excited and our table was starting to gain some attention and was even considered “hot”. Even though my rolling technique wasn’t correct, they still counted and people were winning. Finally, on my seventh or eighth poor attempt at rolling, JD lost it. “You know what? You roll like a Sissy Girl!” he bellowed. Stunned and drenched with sweat, I didn’t know what to say. I was about ready to give up until my fans around the table came to my rescue by saying “leave him alone", “we don’t care, he’s great”, “let him roll the way he wants”. Followed by the game changing- “Roll Sissy Girl-Roll”.  I don't know if I should have been insulted or complimented, so I just forged on. And with each winning roll, more and more people joined in by chanting “Roll Sissy Girl-Roll!" "Roll Sissy Girl-Roll!" "Roll Sissy Girl-Roll!”. I was suddenly popular and mortified at the same time. This went on for what felt like hours until the pressure of being crowned “Sissy Girl” was too much and I buckled.

On my final roll, my dice finally made it to the back wall and bounced back perfectly. Unfortunately they came to their resting place as a four and three and I sevened out. My reign as “Hot Roller” suddenly ended, but my legacy of "Sissy Girl" lives on forever.