Entries in funny (2)


Cinderella Saves the Day

As children, we’ve all had crushes. Mine was on Will Robinson from Lost in Space. It wasn’t so much that I found him attractive, it was mainly because he got to hang around a gay robot and a handsome pilot named Don. Along with visiting different planets, he was able to carry a laser gun and do things like pass through a time warp and visit earth in the 1940’s. He was also very brave, I remember watching in awe as he and Penny explored uninhabited lands after surviving meteor storms and aliens that strangely resembled humans.

I had such an obsession that one Christmas, I asked Santa to bring me a model of the Jupiter Two with a complete set of Robinson family action figures. I was so sure that I was going to get them, that my mother had no choice but to look all over town for them.  What she didn’t realize is that they didn’t exist; I just expected Santa’s Elves to make them. 

Anyway, as obsessed as I was with this family from the future, Anthony was doubly obsessed with Cinderella, especially the one played by Leslie Ann Warren.

The difference between my obsession and his is that I grew out of mine. Once I realized that I was never going to be traveling through space with a slightly feminine doctor, I gave up my fantasy. Anthony, on the other hand, would divorce me if he had a chance to play Prince Charming with Ms. Warren.

One summer, Leslie Ann Warren came to Detroit to film a made for tv movie. As most stars do, she stayed in one of the area’s best hotels, The Townsend, which conveniently is across the street from the salon. The Townsend is an upscale, European boutique hotel located in the heart of downtown Birmingham, Michigan. Although it has many amenities, it doesn’t have a health club, so they partner up with a local club so their guests can work out there. The club just happened to be the same one we belong to, so from time to time, we would see famous people on the treadmill.

The summer Ms. Warren stayed across the street, Anthony found himself on the lookout. Anytime a group of people gathered around the entrance of the hotel to see who was coming or going, he would peer out the window to try and get a view of her. There were sightings of her in local coffee houses and restaurants, but we never found ourselves sharing the same venue at the same time. One time, she even came into the salon, but we weren’t there, so close and yet so far.

Summer was reaching its end and L.A.W.’s movie was wrapping up, so it wasn’t looking good for our chance meeting. That is, until one day at our gym…

As we walked in the club, we made our usual trek from the check in desk to the locker rooms. Not realizing Anthony wasn’t behind me, I proceeded to pick out my locker and change into my workout clothes. After a few minutes, I began to wonder where he was. He was right behind me when we walked in, so it seemed kind of odd that he was missing. But, I soon found out why.

As I started to make my way out of the locker room, he came in and rushed directly to the sink. I saw blood and ran over to him. As he was padding his forehead with paper towel and water, I could see his forehead was cut. “What happened?” I asked as he desperately tried to make the bleeding stop. “Nothing”, he said. “Well, obviously something happened” I said, “you’re bleeding”.  Then he began to tell me what caused his unfortunate accident.

It seems that as we were both making our way through the gym, he spotted Leslie Ann Warren doing lunges with her trainer. Star struck, and trying not to be too obvious, he "nonchalantly" turned his head in her direction for just a second. But that’s all it took for him to confidently walk smack dab into a metal pull-up bar that was dangling right in front of his face. “And to make things worse”, he said, “Leslie Ann Warren saw the whole thing”. He said she immediately came over to see if he was O.K., and not knowing there was blood trickling all over his face, he tried to be cool and convince her that he was fine. “Oh, this happens all the time”, he told her as he tried not to cry. “Oh, honey, I think you need some help”, Cinderella said, followed by “you’re bleeding pretty badly”. By this time, a small crowd began to gather around, and I’m sure that’s true, “it’s not everyday that we get to see a movie star comforting a blood soaked stalker”, I said.  He ignored me and continued his harrowing tale by telling me the princess told him that he may need stitches and the gawkers were making it worse by chiming in things like “Yes, you need a doctor”, “How did you do that?” “That’s gonna leave a scar”. 

“All that in a matter of a couple of minutes, how did I miss that?” I asked as I started to chuckle. “It’s not funny”, said Anthony “Leslie Ann Warren thinks I’m a Klutz and now she has to sign my accident report”. Trying to lighten the situation, I said,  “Well, at least you’ll have her autograph”. The deafening silence that followed made me realize Anthony didn’t appreciate my attempt at lightening the situation. So, trying again, I said, “well, at least we don’t have to work out today”. This time there was a longer silence, so I gave up.

As we made our way to the manager’s office to pick up the accident report, we both sort of felt like rock stars. “That’s the guy who met Leslie Ann Warren”, murmured one of my fellow club members. “I saw her comforting him” mumbled another. In the end, no stitches were needed and there was no scar, but Anthony did become forever known as the "Man Who Cinderella saved".












I am what you’d call Star Struck. Whenever Anthony and I are in an airport, restaurant or on a big city street, my eyes are always wondering around to see whom I can spot. It hasn’t failed me yet.  My knack for star spotting has given me the chance to see and even meet many celebrities. My star-stalking resume includes Susan Sarandon, Ed Begley Jr., Jude Law, Seinna Miller, Robert Downey Jr., Macaulay Culkin (I think he’s still a star), Michael Jordan (I collided with him in a hallway-ouch), Tim Allen, Faye Dunaway, Andrew Lloyd Weber, Leslie Ann Warren (this one was funny, it involved an accident report-look for the future blog) and actually shared drinks and dessert with Darryl Hannah (again, another blog).
My most recent star encounter happened in the salon.
It was 5:00 on a Wednesday night. I was getting ready to go home and the front desk asked if I could “cut this guy’s hair”. He was staying at The Townsend Hotel, which is right across the street and he wandered in for a haircut. We had just gotten back from Paris the day before and I was a little tired, so I blame jet lag for my behavior.
I’ve been told from time to time that I have “the gift of gab”. I don’t think of it so much as a gift, but more of a skill. I read in a book once that people love to talk about themselves. If I don’t have anything interesting to share, it’s best to simply ask them questions about their lives and let them do all the talking. Most of the time, my little skill is a great  conversation tool, but once in a while, when I’m tired, hungry or insecure it can get me into trouble.  
After consulting with my client I started to cut his hair. I also started to talk. A lot. “Where are you from” was my first inquiry. The familiar looking gentleman said he was visiting from southern California. “Oh, you are so lucky, I love it there” I babbled, “it’s one of my favorite places”. I continued with “I have a really good friend that lives there, although I doubt that you know her, her name is Dana, although maybe you do, wouldn’t that be weird? I just got back from Paris, blah, blah, blah”.
I haven’t the slightest idea why in this situation, I felt the need to try and impress this guy. For some reason I felt it necessary to let him see my “cool” side. 
Trying to put the focus back on him, the next question in my line of fire was “so, what brings you to Michigan?” He told me he is an actor and was in town shooting a commercial for a health drink. I’m still not sure why I couldn’t simply have told him a little bit about our city and offer restaurant suggestions. Instead I replied with “I’m an actor too, I also direct, sing and I write a blog” Inside I was telling myself to shut up, but I couldn’t, I just kept going and going and going.  I continued with “living in California, you must see a lot of stars. I’m really star struck, I’ve met so many stars, I don’t know why, but I always seem to see them, I even had drinks with Darryl Hannah once".  On and on I went. I finally took a breath by asking him what famous people he has seen.
This poor guy finally had a small window to say something. “Well, actually I know Darryl Hannah too”. At this point during our one sided conversation, I started to think not only did he look familiar, but he sounded familiar too.  If I only allowed him to talk, maybe I could have figured it out. Instead I went on by asking him if he thinks she’s prettier in person too.  He said, he thought she is pretty inside and out. I’m a hairdresser, that’s supposed to be my line, I thought. 
“Who else have you met?” I asked as I continued my nervous chatter. He paused and told me that two of his best friends were Kirstie Alley and Ted Danson. This was followed by a very looooonnnnng pause. The light bulb was starting to flicker. I was slowly beginning to recognize my customer and I was clueless what to say next.  So, out came “oh, they’re kind of funny”. “Kind of funny”, not “really funny” or “very funny”. I had to say “kind of funny.”
If I could have simply disappeared, I would have.
The reason he knows Sam and Rebecca from Cheers is because he starred right along side them. I couldn’t believe it. How did I not recognized this man? I was a huge Cheers fan. He was in my living room for 30 minutes every Thursday night at 9 p.m. And the reason his voice sounded so familiar is because on the plane the very day before, I watched Toy Story Three and he was the voice of the pig.  I was cutting John Ratzenberger's hair.
I had no idea how to get out of this. My tongue was so tied it couldn’t form a single word.
I had spent the past twenty minutes telling this successful actor all about me. I had a golden opportunity to be discovered and I blew it.
Needless to say, the next time I have the opportunity to meet someone famous, like Johnny Depp, I’ll be sure to tell him that I’m a hairdresser to the stars and offer him a haircut.